Children, Yet Unborn
by Mako-clb
Summary: Scott and Jean reflect on becoming parents. Rated PG for some mild language.


Disclaimer: I don't own Cyclops, Jean Grey, the X-Men or anybody else in this story. They all belong to Marvel Comics.

Author's Note: This story takes place pre-Onslaught, not long after Scott and Jean's wedding. 

  
  


Children, Yet Unborn

(Starring Cyclops and Phoenix)

  
  


"Scott, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Sure Jean, just give me a second."

Scott Summers turned around and looked into the eyes of the woman he loved, the woman he had

loved since the day they had met at Xavier's Mansion all those years ago. Since long before that

moment, when her heart had reached out to his on a cold winter night outside a lonely orphanage.

They had been through so much together, life, love, death, and life again. They had been to hell and back together, literally, and instead of destroying them, instead of the flames turning their love to ashes, it had tempered it, forging it into a thing of strength and beauty. 

Scott saw all his hopes and dream in the shining green eyes of Jean Grey, no Jean Summers. His

breath still caught in his throat when he remembered that he and Jean were married, bonded now

together in the eyes of the law as they had always been bonded together in their hearts. Even so,

every time he looked at this woman, he couldn't help but think he was the luckiest man alive because this beautiful, intelligent, vivacious woman loved him, the stoic, four-eyed, moody loner, with all her heart. 

"Scott, I don't know how to tell you. I mean I know we didn't plan for anything like this to happen, at least not so soon, but . . ."

"Jean, relax, I can feel how anxious you are through our rapport. Whatever it is, we'll handle it

together."

Jean took a deep breath and whispered, "I think I'm pregnant. I had Hank run a few tests and he

should have the results in a few minutes." 

"How? I mean we took precautions . . ." Scott sighed. "I guess it doesn't matter how, does it? Call me when you know the results. I need to be alone for awhile."

"I . . . understand Scott," Jean whispered to the figure slowly slipping out the door into the woods. 

**********

I never expected this so soon. I thought we'd have more time before we brought a child into the

world. Then again, I never expected Nathan either. Oh God! What if this child is taken away from me too? What if I lose him to the Askani's future or another disease like I did Nate? I loved, still love, Nathan so much. Even after Maddie and Sinister, after everything, I love him. Nathan is my son, but I let him down. I abandoned him to an unknown future and even after I found him I had so little time before I lost him again. I lost my son twice. It doesn't matter that Cable is Nathan, that he's here, living on these grounds. Cable isn't my son and no matter how hard I try he will never be my son. 

I can't put a child, or myself, through that again. I'd spend every moment wondering if it would be Nathan all over again. The worst part is it could be Nate, exactly, all over again. Maddie was a clone of Jean. She, I, we have the potential to give birth to another Nathan Christopher Summers. What do I do then? What if my son is a duplicate? What if he has a twin older than his father? How do I handle that? Everyday would be like looking into what might have been if I'd done things right the first time. I wouldn't even be able to look at him. 

And what makes me so sure the baby would be a him. This baby could be a girl, a daughter, another Rachel Summers. Being the daughter of Jean Grey, would that mean she might one day become Phoenix. She could grow up to save the universe or destroy it. Jean almost did. Do I have a right to bring a child into this world that could potentially end all life in the cosmos? Even if she isn't Phoenix, if Rachel is born, does that mean her future would come to pass? Would Ahab and the Sentinels rule America? Would I be condemning another child to be forced to hunt down mutants for the sport of others? 

More importantly, do I have the right to bring a child into this world right now? How can I care for a baby when I spend all my time in life or death situations leading the X-Men? Every other day the mansion or the grounds are attacked by someone or something out to destroy us. Do I have the right to put a child in such danger? I should find a place in the suburbs and try to start a normal life for my family. Who am I kidding? I can't ever have a normal life. The last time I tried, it ended in disaster. Besides, most of my life has been the X-Men. They're my family and this is my home, and I don't know what to do without them. 

Damn it! I know that when Jean proposed to me she wanted a family and so did I. I thought I could handle it, that I could learn from my mistakes and do things right this time. Do right by my wife and right by my child, but I have to face the fact that I can't. My powers, my life, make it impossible to have and care for a child. I learned that the hard way and I don't think I can go through it again. Ever! 

**********

I know Scott needed to be alone, to think, but I need him here with me. 

Pregnant. I might be pregnant. A baby. My own baby. Not like Rachel or Nathan. I love them and in a sense they are both my children. Rachel is the daughter of my counterpart in an alternate timeline and Nathan is the son of Madelyne Pryor, my clone. Genetically, Rachel and Cable may be a part of me, but they're not my children. I didn't give birth to them, didn't raise them. Even in the future where Scott and I cared for Nate, we raised him as Slim and Redd, not Scott and Jean. 

I want a child, a baby, who calls me mommy, who I give birth to, who I raise and teach. I want to be a mother. I never wanted to be a parent before, but I do now. When I first discovered Rachel was my daughter, I turned my back on her. I cast her out of my life because I didn't want to deal with everything she represented. She was the child Scott and I might have had if I hadn't died. She was a future that was already written, a future where the Professor and Scott and all of the X-Men were dean or in internment camps. I couldn't accept Rachel without accepting the reality of that future. By the time I realized my mistake, I only had the chance to say goodbye. 

Nathan is the closest I have to a real child. Biologically I'm practically his mother, but I'm not. He should have been my son as much as Rachel should have been my daughter. It hurts inside to know that my clone, a construct, was living my life. Even though Madelyne's memories are a part of me, it's like watching a movie. I don't feel the emotions, I don't feel like I was there and I want to have been there so badly. If I could, I would go back and I would be Scott's first wife, his only wife and I would be the mother of his child, our child. 

I know the doubts Scott has, how could I not know? I'm a telepath and my rapport with Scott makes it so much easier to read him. I understand the way he feels. I've had those same thoughts and feelings a hundred times, but I want this baby more than anything. Please, let me be pregnant and I promise little one that I'll love you with all my heart. 

**********

_Scott, Hank's here. _

_I'm coming Jean_, Scott thought back as he headed toward the converted pool house that was his

home, hoping beyond hope that it had all been a false alarm. He took a deep breath and entered the house. Soon he would know. 

"Good, you're back. Now Hank can tell us both," Jean tried to smile, to lift Scott's mood. He

seemed so grim though. It was as if he expected the worst. The only question was she wasn't sure anymore what he considered the worst to be. 

Jean reached out for Scott's hand and intertwined her fingers with his, momentarily boosting their

special psionic rapport as she did so, so he would know that they would face this new challenge

together. Then Jean turned her full attention to Hank and waited. 

"Jean, Scott . . . I'm sorry, but," Hank took a deep breath and continued, "Jean, you're not

pregnant." 

"That's all right Hank, it's not your fault," Scott said a little too cheerfully for Jean. 

Jean couldn't fool herself any longer. Scott didn't want Jean to be pregnant. He didn't want another child, not even for a moment. He had already made up his mind that he and Jean didn't need or want a baby. The problem was he was only half right. He may not need another child, but Jean did with every fiber of her being. 

Jean slowly dampened the psionic rapport as Scott walked Hank back to the mansion's lab. She

didn't want him to sense her pain as she had his relief. For the first time in a long time she intentionally hid her thoughts and emotions from her husband. As she did this, Jean Summers sank into a chair and cried. There was an emptiness inside her, a hollow space that hadn't been there yesterday. It was the place where she kept the hope that this time things might work out, that she, not her clone or her dimensional duplicate, and the man she loved would have a child and be a family, a family of flesh and blood and love. 

Her tears continued to fall until she sensed Scott's approach and then she quickly dried her eyes and composed herself, pushing her sorrow away for a time, but she couldn't keep it inside forever. That night, laying next to her sleeping husband, Jean wept for the children she almost had and the children she might never have. 

The End


End file.
